Imprinting Jayne
by NoMoreJacksPlz
Summary: One-shot. Jayne gets more than he bargained for on a duck hunt.


**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** An oldie but goodie from 2005. Enjoy!

* * *

_Crack!_

The duck had fallen in the overgrown grass not too far from the lake, but Jayne had a good eye and found it quickly. He scooped it up, stuck it in the coarse bag attached to his belt, and held up his new rifle in admiration.

"You're a good woman," he told it. "I shall call you...Cornelia."

He smiled to himself. Vera wouldn't appreciate a new hen in the henhouse, but Cornelia sure was a beauty, and Jayne liked seeing pretty ladies together, metal or otherwise.

He gave Cornelia an affectionate pat on the barrel and tossed a stone into the lake, feeling proud of himself as the rock disappeared into the water with a _ploop_. No more brown slop to eat tonight. No, tonight they were going to feast on duck, courtesy of Jayne. _"Oh, Jayne, I don't know what to say!"_ he exclaimed, mimicking Kaylee's cheery voice. _"You're so big and tough and manly that I'm going to have to take off all my clothes and dance for you!"_

"Aww, no, Kaylee, that ain't necessary," he faux-protested in his own voice.

_"No, I insist! I've always thought you were hotter than the doctor! He's a prissy stupidhead! He can't make me feel like a woman the way you can!"_

"Now don't be mean, Kaylee. It ain't his fault hair don't grow on his chest. Aww, hell, don't look so sad. You can dance for me. S'the least I can do."

_"Oh, thank you so much, Jayne! I love being naked; don't you?"_

A satisfied smile spread across Jayne's face as he enjoyed his fantasy. He began to trudge back to the ship, when he heard a soft chirping noise coming from behind him. He stopped and turned around, but saw nothing.

He kept on walking, and the sound returned. "Gorram it!" he exclaimed, then looked down. "What?..."

A row of seven ducklings was lined up behind him, chirping happily. He took another step. The ducklings followed. He stopped. So did the ducklings.

Well, this was just great. "Go on, varmints!" he growled. "You can't follow me. I'm gonna eat your mama tonight." He used his foot to chase the ducklings out of line. "Go back to the lake! Ain't no water where I'm goin'."

The ducklings flapped their tiny, downy wings and returned to formation. Jayne glared at them. Seven pairs of inquisitive little eyes stared back. Finally, Jayne gave a sigh of surrender and walked back to the ship, the ducklings toddling after him as fast as their tiny feet would take them.

******

Inside the cargo bay, Jayne tossed the bag containing his catch on the floor. "That there, people, is dinner."

Kaylee and River looked up at him from where they were seated, playing a card game, then down at the bag.

Zoe appeared in the doorway with Wash and asked, "I'm sorry, did I just hear you say 'People is dinner'?"

"Lotus flower, cannibal is the new carnivore," Wash chided his wife. "We've been over this before."

Zoe walked over and picked up the bag. "Feels heavy." Then she took a look inside. "Oh."

She handed the bag over to Wash, who took one look and blanched. "Oh, blood. Blood and feathers. How delicious." He quickly returned the bag to his wife.

Jayne grunted at them. "Don't thank me all at once."

"Jayne! Just the person I wanted to see," Mal announced, striding into the room. Then he saw the bag. "Oh. Was there a headhuntin'? Did I miss the headhuntin'?"

"Jayne's a father." River's voice rang out clearly and made all the activity in the room cease. Everyone looked over to see the frail girl holding one of the ducklings in her hands. "He has taken her place."

"Ducklings!" Kaylee exclaimed. "Oh, they're so cute!"

Zoe gave him a curious look. "Jayne, did those ducklings follow you back?"

"Yeah. Kinda," Jayne admitted, fidgeting under Zoe's gaze. "I didn't mean for it to happen!"

"I think it's cute. They think Jayne's their mommy," Kaylee said, now holding a duckling herself and scratching its head with her finger.

Mal grinned in amusement. "Well, congratulations," he said, slapping Jayne hard on the back. "Didn't know you had it in ya."

Jayne scowled.

"Can we keep them?" Kaylee asked.

"Don't see why not," Mal replied, "bein' as how it's not right to separate a mother and her brood."

"What?" Jayne sputtered. "Mal, that ain't fair!"

The captain smiled, eyes twinkling. "Well, sometimes you don't get what you want. You get what you need. And that's a whole 'nother thing."

Jayne stood there, fuming helplessly for several seconds as everyone returned to their previous activities. Then he turned to the ducklings and muttered, "Come on, you turkeys. My room's this way. But just remember, I'm eatin' every single one of you when you're big enough, and I am gonna enjoy it."

The ducklings seemed oblivious to his threat, and they happily padded after their new mother as he took them to their new nest.


End file.
